Don't use Negation

When I was 16 the most curious thing happened. My friend from kindergarden and I were in the backyard of his parents house in the countryside, mowing the grass with scythes. Halfway through we’re taking a break to sharpen our scythes with handsized grindstones. He cuts himself in the finger while grinding. Then I cut myself in the finger, much in the same way. I had nicked my tendon and ended up in the hospital.

After the incident I thought for a long time: “How stupid can you be? He cut himself right before you did. You knew what not to do, but you still did it. That’s so stupid.”

Eventually I stopped with that line of thinking. It was not helpful. Until now, I never really understood why it happened like that.

I think it has to do with how our brain processes negation. When you hear “Don’t think of a blue elephant”, you will imagine one. “Don’t make it green” and it’s green.

Your brain processes language on different levels. On the first level of processing it does not comprehend or apply negation. That’s why you see the elephant in front of your inner eye. On the second level of processing your brain understands what to do, but at that point it’s already too late.

What picture would this thought have painted in front of my inner eye? “Don’t cut yourself while grinding. Don’t cut yourself while grinding. etc.” I see me cutting myself. And then it became a reality and I did cut myself. I was so drawn to the picture I had incidentally painted for myself.

Tell a kid “Don’t spill the milk” and watch it spill the milk. It can’t help it. All the kid can see in front of it’s inner eye is the glass tilting, falling and the milk spilling out. If you want it not to spill the milk, you need to paint another picture. “Grab your glass firmly. Move it away from the edge.” What does the kid see now?

Avoid the use of negation when using the imperative (giving commands.) Come up a different way to describe the desired action or outcome. When communicating with others, and in your self-talk.

References #

I got this idea from Richard Bandler in his programm Persuasion Engineering.