Focus challenge and Creating over Reacting

I commit to work on a topic (a subject) for a period of time. The leading principle is: Stay on-topic at all times. That means any task, project, action, media shall pertain pertain to the selected topic. Anything off-topic is to be noted for later without receiving much attention.

Exceptions apply for established habits, outside work, chores, FFF, etc.

Some applications of this principle:

• I hid all my off-topic projects.
• I only listed to on-topic audiobooks and podcasts.
• I only read on-topic books.
• I only listened to instrumental music.
• I did not process any off-topic notes in my note-taking system.
• I did not make any online purchases.

Quoting from Crazy Good, by Steve Chandler:

This guy needs to be taught a lesson

I receive a negative, nasty email.

Someone hates me. That’s my first thought.

So then I think revenge. How could I be hated? How can that be? My ego has to be protected from that, even though I know, deep down, that my ego is, as Ken Wilber says, kept in existence by a collection of emotional insults. Still. What would be a clever put-down? How can I humiliate this idiot and show him he should not be messing with me at this level, words against words?

This guy said he’d purchased one of my very first audio programs and it was awful. It was worse than awful. My voice was so slow and monotonous he couldn’t stand it.

“It made me want to kill myself,” he said.

Wow. That’s a heavy criticism.

So . . . How should I defend myself?

I start to compose a reply. I’ll tell him that only idiots want what he wants—some ranting and raving motivational type guy who spits spittle from a red face hyped with passion popping out of it. Some raving secular evangelist selling a speed-rap of monetized passion.

I’ll say my audio is for thoughtful people, so I speak slowly. I’ll tell him I put a lot of time into my words. I don’t want to insult the listener by sounding like I’m in a shouting contest. I’ll say if you need to be motivated by the tone of someone’s voice, by the urgency in their screeching throat, then you are in a self-induced coma. You are not an awakened human being. Stay away from me or I’ll have you locked up.

I back away from the keyboard before I send all that.

I see that I’m reacting.

I start to worry about how upset I’ve made myself and how it will impact the work I have to do. I am now considering cancelling some of my work today. Then my anger turns from hot to cold. I’ve worn myself out, mentally. I’ve descended from wired-up to just mildly unraveled. I am slumping in my chair. I re-read his words.

Then I realize I have a choice. I don’t have to react to this guy. I can do the opposite.

If only I can remember the opposite.

What is the opposite of reacting? Oh, right! Creating! I can create. Reacting and creating have the exact same letters in them. That helps me remember.

Deep breath. Okay. What do I want to create?

How about I create a relationship? Why not shoot for that? I could create a bond with him, maybe, based on my desire to serve people. Am I shooting for the moon with that? So what? President Kennedy got a lot of mileage out of shooting for the moon.

But we’re not off to a good start, this guy and me, I have to acknowledge that. Am I even sure he’s still alive? He said he felt like killing himself after listening to me.

I’m sure that was just an expression. Okay. I will see what I can create.

So I write back. I decide to be completely honest.

I say, “Dear Harmon,” (because his name is Harmon) “I hear you. In fact, I agree with you. My early recordings are just flat out bad. I think the current ones are getting better, but I could be fooling myself. I have to say I appreciate people like you who have the courage to reach out and tell me the truth. You are helping me get better. I am sorry for your negative experience and I want to make it up to you. If you send me your mailing address, I’ll send my two latest books to you. You can read those to yourself at your own chosen speed. Thanks for taking the time to communicate with me.”

This is my response to Harmon. A few days go by and I get an email from him: “Well, that was unexpected. I must say you take criticism pretty well. Was I too negative? I do like your books. Did I tell you that? I enjoy reading them.”

I send two books out to him. A relationship is being created. Created! In the old days I would have just gone with my first reaction.⁴

If you enjoyed this, I’m sure you will enjoy the rest of Crazy Good and some of Steve Chandlers other work.